DATE COACHING, TRAINING & DATING FOR PROFESSIONALS & CLIENTS COMMENTS
DATING & RELATIONSHIPS TRAINING COURSES AND PROFESSIONAL INTRODUCTIONS 17
For more information call us on 0207 930 5555 8am to 9pm (we answer as" The Club"), ask for the training section. UPDATED for APRIL 16
1 TRAINING COURSES AVAILABLE
2. YOUR TRAINERS
3 TESTIMONIALS from people attending interviews and training sessions.
4. A copy of ALL THREE COMPLAINTS received to our trade body in 15 years about our top introduction service. The Executive Club of St James's
5. For full details of the only professional introduction agency in the U.K with money back guarantees see www.thematchmaker.co.uk for London singles parties for professionals see www.executiveparties.co.uk Weekly events at London's top venues, The Ritz, Le Gavroche, Le Caprice, The Wolseley, Langans, etc
SECTION 1 TRAINING COURSES AVAILABLE, RELATIONSHIP ADVICE & FLIRTING TRAINING + MORE
All our training courses are on a one to one basis and will be adapted to suit an individuals requirements. They all carry our quality refund guarantee that if YOU do not think the course was "lifechanging" AND value for money we will refund 50% towards any charity - not happened yet!
SECTION 3 CLIENTS COMMENTS ABOUT THEIR INTERVIEWS
First a message from our owner Alun Jenkins.
I hope you are both well and enjoying life. I have been meaning to get in touch for ages to tell you our news. Robert and I had a little baby boy (called Jamie) born in February last year, so he is nearly one year old already. That time has absolutely flown by, as you can imagine he has been keeping my hands very full, the little angel. Anyway I want to say a huge thank you for completely transforming my life! My first date with Robert was one month after my 38th birthday, we were married just two weeks after my 39th birthday, and baby Jamie arrived about two weeks before my 40th! I often tell people he was my 40th birthday present, as he certainly was the best possible birthday present I can imagine. I feel so lucky, but it wasn’t just down to luck. When I joined the Club I had almost lost hope of finding a partner who was right for me, and if it wasn’t for all of your great help and advice I think I would still be single now. So many thanks once again!
Walked across Tower Bridge on my way home and decided to use the new techniques you taught me and Bingo, pulled a date with a stunning German girl. It really was as you said "lifechanging" so esimple , why doesn't everybody do it?
Hope you are well. It was lovely to meet you again last
week. Your thoughts and insights are invaluable, as always
and I particularly like your male perspective on dating
Your flirt training seems to be working as I was told I
had lovely eyes this evening by a stranger as I crossed
Natalie, in in a 9 month relationship with one of our members and he is an exceptional catch. Natalie is ready for marriage and children so she came for some advise about how to move the relationship on. So she is filled with inside knowledge gleened over 29 years on the inner workings of the male mind and hopefully we shall have another success story on our hands. - Alun
I wanted you to know that the training you provided on Tuesday has transformed my life . In the space of 48 hours , I managed to strike up the courage to speak to a woman on a train to Manchester . Turns out she is single and works for the same charity I volunteer for . She lives in Manchester but we are going on a date on Saturday night in Manchester !
Then at this night club in Manchester I have the courage to try your jewels and sister technique . Bingo ….. I will leave the rest to your imagination.
Finally this morning , I am in a little old fashioned hole in the wall breakfast cafe , having the best full English I have had in years. I complement the chef on her cooking . She notices my London accent . I throw in my love of a Mancunian accent . I try the have you got a sister routine. To cut a long story short, she is going to cook me Sunday lunch when I arrive in Manchester. 45 years old, looks like me 5 years younger, single and fascinating.
Just to repeat my comments from last night. I was introduced by Sarah at your ops centre to a young lady called Alice . An engaging and fascinating lady who works for a charity. Before your training, I would never have had the confidence to even talk to her . Why, because she is a lot younger than me and a " stunning statuesque blonde " . In my terms , far too classy for me and literally beyond my reach. Yet following your training to the letter, we are now going out on a second proper date on Sunday.
The young lady you were training last night probably thought I was a ' plant'. Later I had to be assured by Sarah that Alice equally was not a plant , as I have never had the privilege of getting a date with such a beautiful woman.
James a successful businessman, now it appears even more successful at getting quality dates. I think it will not be long before he finds his soulmate.
I was interviewing an attractive 34 year old lady ( it was Lucy the client above) and I had told her about James and how successful he had become after the flirt training course, pulling three new dates in two days. He then called me during her interview about his first date we had arraged for him, as he thought maybe I had paid someone to meet him to give him a good start. Never done that ever! all our introductions are with genuine members who have paid the normal joining fee. No freebees to make up your dates EVER. He tells me he is taking his previous agency to court for a refund as they could only manage a few poor quality dates in 9 months for his £1800. Alun When I told him I had just mentioned his dating conquests to my client he said I bet she thinks I have been [paid to contact you to sing your praises. We can do no wrong with James as he thinks the sourse of sunshine eminates from my nether regions!
Met my soulmate through you in just 5 weeks and we are now planning our marriage. This was a long letter so I have put it at the bottom of this listshould you want to read it
It was a delight meeting you and I wanted to thank you very much for the "interview" session we had last Saturday. Not only have I learned a great deal about my dating pattern thus far, but it also helped me to shed some light on events that happened in the past and reconnect with the little girl inside me, and that is invaluable.
Since our meeting, I have reached a state of inner peace and confidence I have rarely experienced before. I've been too busy trying to ignore the girl within me, choosing to pursue status goals as a successful professional career at the detriment of what matters most: giving her the recognition and love she has been craving to allow her to heal and bloom. I have tried to put a plaster to hide my wounds for so many years, rather than taking the time to treat the root cause and that has proven to be a tiring and unsatisfactory battle.
I now feel empowered and more ready than ever to start making crucial changes in my life and I believe I would benefit from your flirting classes. Please let me know your weekend availabilities, maybe we could also build in a photo session if time allows.
Best regards Clare
“I can honestly say that the women who I have met through the Executive Club of St James's have been some of the most elegant, educated, stylish and sophisticated I have ever met. If you are an intelligent, educated gentleman, looking to find that special woman you will struggle to find a better calibre”.
Charles is a 30 year old GP from the Redhill area who was recommended by his sister to join us (she is rather nice as well).
It was a life-changing learning experience of the flirting session last Saturday. I put on the dress buried deep in my closet (which I planned to donate to the charity) to your suggestion and went to a social event on Sunday, two men (though not my type) asked for my number and I made a female friend.
It takes time for me to adjust but I will get out of my comfort zone and practice. In the mean time, if you feel like any other services of yours that would be beneficial to me, please advise. I'd be interested to hear about more options. Lee by email
Lee was Chinese and was giving out very closed signals, with lottery wins more frequent than smiles on her face. Looks like she's well on the way
Talk about meeting a man who changes your life...after yesterday I'll never be the same again.
It was a pleasure to meet you and a privilege to hear some of your wisdom.
I have been working hard to put what you taught me into action. There's still room for improvement but I'm already feeling like a new woman!
Thank you very much.
Grallia is a trendy attractive 53 year old doctor who flew over from Italy for a flirt training session and then went on to one of our London social events. She was the "belle of the ball" the guys were talking about her for weeks and she has some Swiss banker chasing her and inviting her to Geneva. My first ever flirt training session was with a lady who flew in from Bejiing especially for the flirt training and then also attended one of our social events in London.
Sometimes our agency is not the right way to proceed for every client and we offer a course on flirting at £225 and a 200 photo shoot (on a CD with the copyright to reproduce them) at £145 as we make sure the photographs presents people at their best giving them the confidence to go forth and make it happen. Members get these courses free or at greatly subsidised rates.
I leave for New York on Wednesday, and though I won't be in London and thus available to go forth with you and your service at this point at least. I wanted to say how much your harsh words back last year made a difference, and the flirting session. Since that time, I've started wearing more feminine clothes, actively spending a lot more time in the company of men, flirting more, and just imagining myself in that next stage. I have had a pedicure, manicure, and I pay more attention to my make up. I was even told by a classmate that I look younger now than when I arrived at the school 2.5 years ago. Much of this was inspired by those hard words in London. thank you for caring enough to express them. It has made a big difference. I was even chased by a 27year German two nights ago, and generally I am just receiving more attention. Wait till I get to New York.. I'll keep you posted from there, and thanks again. Hoping to be able to send you some photos of good things coming forward.
best regards , Lana
PS As I promised I will update you as above - extraordinarily, I bumped into Simon the guy I met in the tube last Saturday. He apologised for not keeping in touch. He has gotten his mobile and Blackberry nicked, and said he was hoping he would bump into me given that we live streets apart. As he was the one that spotted me, I am inclined to believe him. I am not particularly sure whether I want to take it much further with him, given that he is in his 20s (well, 29) and I think there is a gap in terms of how intellectual we are. But I'm going to try and keep an open mind and see how it goes. At the very worst I will have a nice evening, if he asks me out!
I have been thinking of a testimonial you can place on your website - how about this?
I was 34 and single, I had no clue why, neither did my friends. Things had to change and I made a very courageous step of picking up the phone to Alun. He identified what change I had to make after careful interviewing and offered flirtation training that week. I couldn't believe what he was telling me at the training - he instructed me to make moves which I would never think of doing. But Alun exudes so much confidence I had to trust him. That evening I tried out (gingerly) my new found technique on the tube and picked up a nice date on my way home. I couldn't believe it, I've never picked up anyone on any transport before! The first person I wanted to talk to was Alun - it was late but I just had to thank him, as the effect he had made on me was so transformational! email
Of course I will add a testimonial.
I have known Alun for over ten years now; we are very different human beings, we clashed at first as we did not understand each other. It is a long time since I have met such a caring, genuine individual, all he wants for his friends and clients is the happiness, that he has been able to find in his own personal life. He has all the necessary core values, understanding and experience to pass to others, if you listen to his wisdom, you will learn, how to make relationships grow.- email "B" businessman Geneva ( ex professional international rugby player)
I just had to write and tell you you should definitely be prescribed on the NHS...! Every time I go and see you about something, whether my original interview or a crash course in flirting I always leave your office feeling ten foot tall (not bad for a lady of five foot two!). You really do have the most amazing ability to give a woman back all her femininity and magic even if she's had to be a total bloke in the workplace for millennia.
After a flirting class with you on Thursday, followed by a make up session with Lana on Friday I floated down the stairs to my date on Friday evening, skirt up to here, skin glowing there, eyes set to stun and feeling simply on top of the world. You do do the most brilliant job of confidence boosting. On the way to the date I passed a group of builders, one of whom said "Evening, beautiful", to which, thanks to you, I was able to smile and say "Thank you" rather than staring at him in bewilderment or trying to hide behind a copy of the Metro. And when I got to the date I was beaming away from knowing such secrets as the Pathway to the Promised Land, how to close the gap between you and your date and what it means when their pupils go like saucers...! I haven't quite got Barbara Windsor's tactile warmth yet but I no longer worry about how to handle the hug at the end of the date - I will never forget all those practice hugs with you in slow motion, complete with slo-mo sound effects - I laughed so much during the session after that a hug from a real date was a breeze!
Thank you again very much. The lovely gentleman I met that night clearly didn't mind being flirted with all evening and it seems a third date is on the cards. Which, considering I was behind the door when the flirting skills were being handed out, is all I could wish for!
I just wanted to say thank you so very much for the guidance, it really has had a profound effect on my self image in a positive way. I am following the advice to the letter and feel so much better already and I feel content and safe within myself for the first time in my life. Thank you, really it has been very liberating to understand the dynamics of the past and I have been thinking a lot about it since I left. Plus smiling at people and talked to someone, plus changing my walk so softer, my posture and also I am going to change my voice. The aim is to be a very different me by the time you see me again! email
Dear Alun and Julia
It’s been just over 3 months since you introduced me to Rhona, and 5 weeks since she and I decided to go exclusive and leave the Club. As I’ve taken the day off I thought I should take the opportunity to send you a proper “thank you” for all you and Julia have done and particularly the way you have gone about it.
I didn’t get the chance to explain originally, but the main reason I joined you was that, ironically, becoming a member was so much more difficult with you than anyone else! I looked at two other high-end agencies, both of whom are larger and have a higher profile. You took the trouble to really dig deep into my background and character and only then granted me membership. The others seemed to want to flatter me into joining, even showing me pictures and profiles of ladies before I’d signed up, and would only then (if I signed up for a higher class of membership) really get to know me. I wouldn’t say that 5 hours digging into my childhood and relationships, and then having you tell me all the things I had gotten wrong was fun, exactly. But it was definitely worthwhile to understand where I’ve been going wrong and why, why I find it hard to meet suitable ladies and what my actual relationships strengths are. That type of brutal honesty is so useful and kudos to you for being willing to give it before people sign up...I’ve no doubt many people would have decided not join afterwards as people can find such honesty scary. The way I looked at it, however, was that any lady you would introduce me to would have been similarly vetted and critiqued, so I could be confident that I wasn’t going to waste time with someone who’s not ready or suitable, as I have done for many (many) years.
FYI the subsequent “flirt training” I took was super. It made the first and second dates I had all the more fun for me, and for the ladies. And I must confess, I got a number of dates with ladies outside the agency because of it! It’s a shame for the ladies that more men don’t take it, but from a selfish point of view I’m glad as it meant I was definitely appreciated J. Your definition of “love” and how you know it’s there was really helpful too.
As for the ladies I met, I must say I was surprised. As we discussed I never really had difficulty meeting, dating or having relationships with attractive ladies, or intelligent ladies, or ladies ready to settle-down. But I never seemed to meet anyone who was all three of those things, and I wasn’t prepared to settle for less than all three. Quite how you managed to find so many attractive, intelligent and relationship minded ladies for me to meet still baffles me. Where do they hide?
Julia was an excellent “dating wing girl”/”relationship sister” btw. I loved the fact that she didn’t pigeon-hole me and introduced me to quite a range of ladies both in terms of age and personality but all with the romantic-trinity of looks, intelligence and relationship-ready. I’m glad I left it almost entirely for her to pick whom I should meet, as it added a touch of “blind date” excitement and gave me the opportunity to focus on chemistry rather than ticking boxes on what (I thought) I was looking for. Had it not been for Julia’s skill in deciding whom I should contact when, I doubt I would have met and clicked emotionally and intellectually with Rhona. It brings home how important it is for a matchmaker to understand the personalities of both sides as you just can’t predict chemistry on written profiles and pictures.
Sorry for droning on so long, I’m just excited about the relationship. Indeed my staff find it funny that I turn into something akin to a puppy when talking about it. All bright eyed, grinning and bounding around. Don’t try to picture it, please, it’s not pleasant J
Darren is a Phd. qualified successful consultant with his own business, he oozed personality at his interview and was the shortest guy I have ever taken on, but I just felt he was 100% a winner. I did not keep him for three months, I have never understood how agencies claim to be successful and then tell you they have 3,000 members on their books ( it isn't sucesssful for them!). I have been around since 1985 at the top of the game and I have never been able to have more than 300 active members for years as they keep pairing up and leaving. Regards Alun
SECTION 4 THE COMPLAINTS
I thought it might be helpful, as a balance to the nice comments we constantly receive to also publish these complaints as well. I publish the first and third complaint complaint in full as received at the ABIA and my recollection of the second complaint until I can find the original letter. The most recent complaint received in May 2014 has a long detailed resonse from me, so I have put it at the very bottom of the page.
Both these complaints were from ladies I advised not to join and go for interviews at other agencies. Unfortunately they were both very upset indeed and wrote letters of complaint to our trade watchdog the ABIA. I am sorry that they were upset but I feel so many others get such a benefit from the interviews, I feel compelled to continue, always on the basis that if you were my sister/brother and I loved you dearly the telephone response and the interview would be exactly the same. I am aware some people like to be told only good news, "that there are hundreds of gorgeous men out there gagging to meet you" regardless of how old you are, or how you look (take them to bed -just maybe - marry them? - get real).
The irony is in this business, a bubbly very attractive intelligent "sexy" woman is comfortable and generally fllrtatious with her body space, it is always the 'plain Janes" that think you are making a sexual pass at them if you touch their shoulder or sit closer than 6ft. I think I have to live with the fact that 1 in 100 clients think I am "manipulative, highly dangerous and should not be permitted to practice" and that it is better for me to take the wrath of such feelings from them and their attidude towards men, than to allow them to meet our members. In all circumstances though we wish you all ( including these complainants happiness - I would give true love to everyone, even Hitler- it would have made him a completely different person) my best regards Alun Jenkins
Note: We are so confident about your satisfaction from attending a course we make the following guarantee:
If YOU don’t agree that your course was of immense benefit to you AND / OR good value for money, we will at your request donate 50% of the fee to any reasonable charity. ( never happened yet! )
FOR WOMEN LEARN TO FLIRT £225 for 2.5 hours ( free or subsidised to most EC memberships)
Learn to select and apply makeup for that WOW factor by a top makeup artist. £125 ( 2.5 hours).
200 Photo, photo shoot on cd with FULL COPYRIGHT £145 (1.5hours)
Flirt training and photo shoot on same day £295 (4 hours)
Flirt training, makeup training and photo shoot on same day £375 ( 6 hours)
Whole day training, understanding the male mind and his hormones, Flirt training, make up training, photo shoot and realtionship training /advice, when to introduce sex etc. £595 (8.5 hours inclusive of working lunch and coffee breaks).
Share with a friend If you want to share this experience with A friend then add just 50% of the above fees, and the course may need to be extended by one hour.
call 0207 930 5555 for details or e:mail to email@example.com
THIS MAKES A UNIQUE PRESENT TO A SINGLE PERSON. Buy it as a present and we will redeem 90% of the value back if not used.
Personal shopper wardrobe consultant £425 ( 4 hours)
Over 40's Ladies intensive training £450
WHY DO MEN GET MORE HEART ATTACKS AND STROKES THAN WOMEN?
Because God gave men an undersize heart, is is not capable of poviding enough blood to work his penis and brain at the same time - ask Tiger Woods about it!
TRAINING COURSE FOR MEN
What women really want from her man, how to find her, attract her and keep her, and make you one of luckiest guys on the planet £295 ( 3 hours)
APPROACH ANY WOMAN FOR A DATE. - without rejection, how to get a date and make it the best date of her life 2.5hrs £225
** For more information about the introduction agencies trade organisation see http://www.professionaldatingagencies.co.uk/
A COMPLAINT ABOUT EVERYTHING MAY 2014
Faxed complaint from the Chair of the ABIA
I hope you are well. I received this complaint from someone you interviewed recently and if its true then you really do have to be more careful about what you say, because she has most certainly taken offense as you can see.
I have sinse been told this is not an"official complaint" as the client has not followed it up with a formal complaint. However as it is the first complaint about me in 5 years and it questioned my integrity. Again it is a complaint from a client I would not let join as I thought her highly usuitable for our members. I have taken her comments very seriously and made a full reply to her comments.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I'm writing to tell you about a deeply unprofessional, free, 5 hour interview I had with Alun of Executive Club St James' recently.
The interview at Alun’s London flat started with Alun asking if it was alright if his assistant sat in on the interview to help train her, I said that was fine. He then spent the next 3 hours asking me in great detail all about: my schooling, all my previous boyfriends, first sexual experience, family, the date I started menstrating, working life and my first memories in life. I thought most of the questions were thoroughly inappropriate considering he had no psychological training and he spent a great amount of time criticising my parent’s choice of schools, my decision to move investment banking jobs and most other aspects of my life.
He then returned to the sitting room and spent the next hour giving me statistics explaining to me how as a 35 year old single woman I was basically likely to spent the rest of my life alone and I had to do something drastic to change this, this sales pitch went on for an hour, it was not news to me. I told me I was aware of this and could we move on but he kept coming back to the same subject. He then told me I was cold and unflirtatious, but I really don’t think it would be appropriate for me to have flirted with him considering he is 69 years old. I also found him to be very crude, he dropped into the interview “what makes my willy twich” and “Pussy”. We ended the interview with him deciding I was too cold for his agency and I should arrange an interview with another agency. He suggested DDM or the County Register.
He then went into his filthy kitchen to prepare a sandwich, where he spent 10 minutes discussing me in loud, very critical tones with his assistant as if I wasn’t there, I found this to be deeply rude.
2nd June 2014
Chair of Association of British Introduction Agencies
I sent a copy of this client complaint to Sarah my employee who is under training, without making any comments, asking for her comments before attempting this reply, just in case I was missing something that a new pair of eyes could see, that I couldn't. Her reply appendix 2 It is exactly as I saw the situation
I have only had one previous complaint about my interviews and that was back in back in 1997 (I publish all thecomplaints I have ever had on my web site for clients to read before they attend an interview, as I will this one as well. The previous complaint was because I told a client because of her personal circumstances she would require a high level of membership for it to be successful . She got upset because I would not let her join on a low level of membership as I did not believe it would work for her but advised her to join other cheaper agencies instead. She made a complaint because she thought I was just trying to get more money from her from a higher membership. I prefer she walked away without paying me £1700 than take her on knowing it was unlikely to work for her.
I also had a complaint in March 2009 about what I had said to a client on the initial telephone call she made to me although she was not invited by me for an interview as I thought she was unsuitable for my agency.
So as this is the first complaint for over 5 years, which correct me if I am wrong, makes me the least complained about agency within the ABIA members, by far.
I will answer Miss F complaint fully and suggest you send her the complete response from top to bottom including this letter to you.
I certify that all the information I have supplied in this document is a true and fair statement to the best of my knowledge of the events.
Owner of The Executive Club of St James's
It would appear that the complaint is that:
a. She thought my questions entirely inappropriate and unprofessional
b . I criticised her parents choice of schooling and many other aspects of her life.
c. That I had some form of sales pitch
d. That I stressed how difficult it was for ladies in their late 30's to meet decent men as I told her most of the good men had been taken
e. That I told her she was cold and unflirtatious
f. That I expected her to flirt with me, a 69 year old married man
g. That my kitchen was "filthy"
h. I discussed her, with my assistant in loud critical tones as though she was not there
i . I used the expression to "make a willy twitch" and "pussy".
Background to all interviews.
Client may choose a short 2.5 hour interview, or a long 5 hour interview The reasons for choosing which interview are clearly laid out in para 31 of the FAQ's section ( I enclose this as appendix 4).
Five hour interviews are usually taken by ladies aged over 31 who have failed to find and / or sustain a decent quality relationship even once in their life. This long interview will empower them to understand why and do something positive about correcting it.
The format of a long interview is also laid out in the FAQ's in para 49 see appendix 2 attached) explaining how and why we go into such depth about a person, especially their childhood.
Also in this paragraph it explains that about 1 in 50 clients take exception to the intensity of the interview and get upset, usually a day or so after the interview and they are informed they are free to terminate it at any stage if they wish. It's like strawberries or peanuts some people react violently to them, but most people find them tasty, same with our long interviews most clients find them lifechanging and very reassured at the trouble we take to screen out our members, rather than just taking their money ticking a few boxes and sending them home within an hour or two. They are very appreciative of the considerable time I give them, even if they have not agreed with all I have told them. These 5 hour interviews are heavily subsidised at £35 for 5 hours which doesn't even cover my train fare from Sussex. See the comments from the clients attending these interviews and what they make of it, on the web site www.letsmeet.me.uk which all female clients are recommended to read before attending the interview. All training and interviews are given with the knowledge that this is what I would tell my sister. If she was a heavy smoker I would work on her, she may not like what I tell her, or me for telling her, it but the motive for what I do is the important factor.
A 5 hour interview was requested by the complainant " Miss F"
When she arrived for her interview she was sat down in t reception on the ground floor. I went downstairs to talk to her as I had a proposition for her. One of my staff, Sarah, was in London as we had both attended the AGM of our trade body the ABIA. Sarah is a married woman aged 46 studying for her degree in psychology, employed by me as a dating advisor. She is interested in interviewing clients and taking on my role in the future. I asked Miss F, if Sarah could sit in on the interview, if she was not happy about that, not a problem Sarah would go home. Miss F said no problem to Sarah sitting in, so I told Miss F, I would refund her £50 interview fee. We then went to the company apartment on the 14th floor. Miss F is wrong, she was not interviewed in the sitting room of Alun Jenkins flat. It is a purpose specific £1.3M apartment with one room being an office and storeroom and the other room being used exclusively for interviewing and training clients. The interview room is themed, a cross between a traditional gentleman's club and country house hotel containing many fine art works including an Italian Carrara solid marble statue, several oil paintings, a large bronze and world class crystal.
The location was chosen because it is just two minutes from St James's Park Underground and for its breathtaking panoramic view over the city. Most client compliment me on the establishment as they say it puts them at ease and is a very relaxing environment as they thought they would have to sit for 5 hours in an office. So Ms F you were NOT interviewed in the sitting room of Alun Jenkins Flat (as I actually live in Sussex) , but an exclusive, expensively furnished Executive Club interview room.
All clients an arrival are told the format of a long interview again, this being in addition to the notes in the FAQ's clients are told by me "we do not or attempt to be a physiologists sociologists or psychiatrists (we have all of them as members though). I am going to give clients relationship advice based on my personal knowledge based upon 29 years of interviewing London's top professionals, compared with many clients who even at mid 30's have not been able to find one relationship of a reasonable quality and hold it for more than 12 months, yet such people may think my questions are inappropriate (so why the hell would I be asking them?).
All clients are also told any information I give them is my personal opinion, so they may go home and make use of this information or ignore it, it is their choice. All clients are also told that I will not take the interview anywhere they do not want me to go, all they have to do is to say "I don't want to go there" but are also told the deeper they go, the more beneficial the interview is likely to be to them.
The first 4 hours of these 5 hour interviews has nothing to do with the agency it is about clients understanding themselves. Why they have not been able to sustain a long term relationship, why they attract such losers and what they can do to stop dating losers and enhance their chances of finding a great lifetime relationship. I also explain I do not take any notes of what is discussed and I will not remember the interview in a few days time. The interview is primarily a learning experience for the client. What I want from the interview is,
1. Would my members like to meet this client (bearing in mind they all have money back guarantees about the quality of people they meet, so this is important to me)
2. Am I proud to recommend them, trust and feel safe recommending them to my members?
3. Is there a better/cheaper agency for this client needs rather than us.
4. Will the service definitely work or are we the best option available for the client based on my knowledge.
The interview was then started. It was like wading in treacle, something was very wrong, the client was very distant, obtuse, cold and her body language did not match what she was telling me. My intuitive alarm bells were ringing, however some clients are slow starters and when they settle down then a rapport can developt. In the case of Miss F, it stayed cold and aloof. I will not discuss the interview itself as I promise all clients it stays 100% confidential.
When however Miss F said she would not mind marrying a traffic warden if he was a nice chap I thought what the hell are you doing here, at probably the most selective introduction service in the UK designed for very successful professionals. At that point I explained that we were not the right agency for her and I could recommend two agencies she might try as their clients are not necessarily as choosy as mine. I recommended Drawing Down the Moon and The County Register as I know them both to be honest.
Miss F had booked a 5 hour interview and after 2 hours it was obvious that we were not suitable for her needs or her for ours.
Would my members like to meet her?. I did not believe so, she was pretty enough but had an unusual cold and distant nature about her.
Was I proud to recommend her to members? No, I had no idea who she was, she was so closed it could have hidden a multitude of problems and my intuition was screaming at me. It may well be that there is nothing wrong at all with Miss F but that is my judgement call, and I have learnt to trust my intuition.
Were we the best agency for her?. I did not believe so, hence recommended other agencies that may suit her better than ours.
Would the service work for her. I did not believe so, as I cannot recall any man I have ever interviewed who was seeking a person similar to Miss F.
Many people ask me if I really do turn away clients who are prepared to pay me thousands of pound to join. The answer is yes I do, as I believe you are fully aware I do, as I did in this case.
Ms F was told at the interview by me, that I had no idea who she was, I did not understand her at all and she was probably one of only 4 clients in 29 years that fell into this category.
Sales pitch? membership was never on the cards so why would I throw any sales pitch at her?
Because after 2 hours I knew she was not suitable for our agency, rather than just send her home I thought I would give her some advice about how to date, avoiding losers and how to date decent guys. I charge other clients £225 for the 2 hour flirt training course (see the comments of clients attending these courses and the transformational changes it made to them, see www. letsmeet.me.uk), During this course "willy twitching" and "pussy" are indeed used in context to the amusement of most of my clients, I was after all interviewing a 35 year old woman. She showed no signs of discomfort and made no objections at the time. My previous 5 female interviewees included, a heart surgeon, a barrister, a plastic surgeon, a solicitor and a senior businesswoman aged 31 to 39, all of which had the same interview, not finding the questions "inappropriate or unprofessional" they were all offered membership and joined, reassured in the knowledge that I do interview in great depth which enables me to screen out unsuitable people.
It soon became apparent I was completely wasting my time, as Miss F seemed to know better than me everything about relationships matters, so I terminated the interview. I walked the client back to the underground station telling her that perhaps she was "county set" which I do not understand as I specialise only in career professionals with completely different values and goals.
When I returned to my office the first thing I said to Sarah was " thank God you were here, that was a one of weirdest interviews I've ever had, God only knows what she would say about what I had said had you not been here.
On my return to my home in Sussex I told my wife about the weird interview I had that evening.
So to address each complaint:
a Questions were inappropriate and unprofessional.
The questions were exactly as all other clients had gone through, developed over 29 year, normally producing very positive results for clients. The questions were in line with what I had written in the notesgiven to clients before attending the interview and stressed again at the start of the interview. Miss F was a 35 year old woman, surely quite capable of saying " why do you want to know that" or "I am not comfortable answering that" or even " I want to go home", why didn't she? She may not have liked my approach to interviewing, but that is my product, the way I do things, it works well for 98% of my clients and upsets 2%.
b I criticised her life choices. No, I explained how life experiences affect relationship (especially in your early years) with women often frightening off strong caring men, and attracting losers, mean, weak, emotionally cold men etc., so clients can gain the knowledge if they want to use it, to stop dating more losers. It also explains why men are mummies boys etc. What interpretation Miss F put on this information, is entirely up to her. Any questions, and information requested was for one sole primary purpose, so I could give the client the best advice (as I would give to my own sister) based on my 29 years experience. Why else would I choose to spend 3 hours or more away from my family, in London, with someone I knew would produce no income for me?
c Sales pitch? Why the hell would I have a sales pitch for someone I had decided early in the interview I would not offer membership to?
d Stressed how hard it would be to find someone. That is true. I do stress how important it is for a lady to find a partner sooner rather than later, as most decent guys get taken, leaving many gays, mummies boys and loser, still single. I encourage ladies from about 35/36 to look for a compromise, as I believe it is a lot better marrying Mr Nearly Right, than sitting in a flat for 40 years with a dog, which statically will happen to about 80% of ladies aged 38/39. (The latest office of national statistics says 40% of all females in the UK are single at age 50 and I believe this figure is even worse for professionals). To put these stats in perspective and why I stress them. It is like being employed as a military advisor to the Taliban in Afghanistan, the first thing they need to be told is the strength of the Americans, 400 tanks, 200 aircraft. 50,000 troops, a frontal attack would be suicide, however prolonged attacks by roadside bombs cannot fail, it may take years but it makes no difference if they put 1M troops in, you can still be successful. If they won't listen to the strength of the other side I cannot advise them. The same with dating, it is very competitive to get the decent guys so we teach clients (if they want to listen) how to go about it.
e. I told Miss F, she was cold and unflirtaious. I did indeed, one of the 4 worst examples I have encountered in 29 years. The reason I said that, is that if she wished, she could work on it to attract a higher quality of man and enable her to sustain a long term relationship or of course, completely ignore the advice given by me, her choice.
f. I expected her to flirt with a 69 year old man. She brought this up at the interview and I explained it wasn't about flirting with me personally, it was about body language and a warmth required to attract a partner. She then raises the issue again even after I had explained it at the interview, that it was not about flirting with me. I could understand a reaction like this from someone autistic but as the interview never progressed to medical condition declarations I have no reason to believe Miss F was, so I cannot explain why she would raise the issue again.
g. Filthy kitchen? This is an interesting one. One side of the kitchen was indeed untidy as there was some washing up to do, or put away, from the previous client, the other side of the kitchen the food preparation area was clean and hygienic. Miss F was invited to look into the fridge to choose what she would like to eat. She requested that I make her a sandwich, which she then ate. Who do you know, would walk into a filthy kitchen, ask for a sandwich to be prepared in it, and then eat it?. I can't think of any person in my life who would ask for a sandwich to be prepared in a "filthy" kitchen The kitchen was not filthy although I would readily admit to it being untidy.
h.Talked about her as though she was not there. Miss F went to the toilet as I and Sarah prepared drinks in the kitchen, we were indeed discussing the structure of the interview when Miss F joined us in the kitchen. I think it would have been the height of rudeness to have just stopped the conversation, I finished the sentence and then involved Miss F in our conversation. I also think it would be disconcerting to clients had Sarah and I been whispering. We would communicate at a normal speaking volume so the client is party to the discussion as we were just discussing the format of the interview so far - openly.
"Pussy and willy twitching" During my flirt training and sometimes during my long interviews I do use the word willy twitching and pussy in context . Clients attitude to sex is important to whether they will be suitable for membership, we screen out for prudes and extremes. A 40 year old virgin asking to join us, meet a man, marry and then lose her virginity to have children, is unlikely to happen, so we sort it out. Either become more open minded and see what happens or stick to your absolute principles, but we will tell you your success rate will be less than 5% . Again most female clients are very reassured how thorough we are vetting clients so they don't waste 12 months in a relationship that was going nowhere.
Later in the interview, if you are considered for membership we require clients to tell us and sign a legally binding statement about themselves, which amongst other things include criminal convictions or warnings, medical AND physiological history including any use of anti depressants, counselling etc.
A person having genital warts (Herpes) for example must declare it to us and it becomes a contractual condition they have to tell a partner before any sexual contact, even by hands takes place. Members signed legal declarations will include such things as erectile dysfunctions, low sperm counts, low sex drive, vasectomies etc. No other agency in the UK operates to these standards, but we do. As one guy said, "only three people in the world know this, the clinic, me and now you, not even my brother knows." This is what we do to protect our normal clients and makes us different and safe. We have had just one bad incident in the 29 years of my business (a stalker he a city accountant she a GP who lived together for over 6 months then became a problem) that is not by accident, but by the use of very intensive screening and not taking on any member that my intuition tells me, something is not right.
Miss F had exactly the same interview as all my other clients, who found it "educational", "humorous" and "informative", obviously Miss F did not. I am truly sorry that she feels this way and brace myself for the next client who feels the same in a year or two's time. I refer Miss F to para 49 of my FAQ's (appendix 1 below) and ask why did she not terminate the interview if she found it so objectionable at the time? She is the only person to complain about my interviews since I added paragraph 49 to the FAQ's 5 years ago.
It is worth noting that over the 29 years, all my complaints (about six in total) are exclusively from people I have recommended they should not join, or I have or not allowed them to join. Not one single lady in 29 years, who has been accepted for membership, has complained about our service or the quality of people they are introduced to, or indeed about anything.
I trust I have fully answered the complaint, if Miss F still feels aggrieved even after this full explanation then may I suggest that she and I pay 50% each, for a degree qualified, heterosexual expert, such as a vicar, sociologist or relationship councillor to act as an arbitrator on my "professionalism" as I am always willing to listen and learn in my search to keep my agency as the best in the business.
FAQ's - all clients are asked to read this before even calling us to arrange an interview they are asked when they make their initial call whether they have read the FAQ's well, if they haven't I refer them back to FAQ's to read before I will consider offering an interview. Another a copy is sent to clients by email to read, with their confirmation of the interview details before attending their interview.
49 SPECIAL NOTE ON INTERVIEWS.
We interview in far greater depth, than any other agency in the U.K. A standard free interview is 2.5 hours. Most clients find this most informative and the full 5 hour interview (charged ) is often a life changing experience ( see "clients comments about their interviews" on www.letsmeet.me.uk and 95%
of women we see should definitely take this option.
All interviews are on a one to one basis.
SHORTER INTERVIEWS FREE 2.0 hours.
Shorter interviews started between 9.30am and 11am are free. Interviews carried out by our owner Alun Jenkins are charged at a subsidised rate see para 6 for costs.
We will ask you to tell us a story of your life so far, and we will give you some information based on our 29 years’ experience of the opposite sex and relationships. We ask you many personal questions and require you to sign a legal declaration that all is true and you have not withheld any relevant information. (if you do not join this document is destroyed either in your presence or within 14 days if you go home to consider joining). These questions include the state of your physical and psychological health, ability to have children,
financial situation, criminal record etc.,
We will at the end of the interview, either advise you that our service is not likely to be successful for you and maybe recommend a more suitable agency for your needs, or recommend one of our Executive Club memberships. You are under no pressure to join and may go away and take as long as you wish to consider the situation. We never call you after
attending an interview.
FULL 5 HOUR INTERVIEW
Full interviews are usually booked for 10 am or 5pm.at (charges involved see para 6)
In addition to the contents of a normal free shorter interview we run through what makes our service different to every other ( we do this at the start, so at the end of the interview so we can’t then ‘gloss it up’ to be just what you're looking for).
You tell us your life story from birth until the present in greater detail. Your childhood is particularity important to us to understand why you may attract the wrong sort of attention/person. We can advise you of any changes in attitude or behaviour that will improve the situation. We often encourage people to soften their ‘hard shell’ to find someone very special (as opposed to another 'grey' relationship or boring marriage as many people settle for). We work on the basis "if you don't change something about the present – the
future will always be a repeat of the past". We will give you the confidence and knowledge to attract and keep top quality partners.
We go on to define “love” so you don’t settle for a second best relationship as most of the population do. We explain how the opposite sex thinks and how relationships develop from sexual attraction to becoming the single most important feature of life. We will explain the statistical facts of why for
certain groups of people it becomes a very competitive environment and how to 'load the odds' in your favour. We usually give you relationship and dating tips.
Only the last hour of this interview is about us, at the end of which we may either recommend an agency more suitable for your needs or we offer you a membership level you would require to benefit from the service.
Occasionally people get upset because we will not let them join at a “cheap level” as we do not believe it will work for them given their circumstances - we do not like failure. We would prefer they take their money and join a cheaper agency. If you are offered membership, you will be required to sign a
strict legally enforceable confidentiality contract as we have had several world famous people as clients. (see a copy on www.ecsf.co.uk).
We are not trained as, or attempt to be psychologists, we do however give advice on dating and relationships in general, based on our 29 years experience. Occasionally about 1 in 50 of our female clients find the interview intrusive and unpleasant, unfortunately because of their closed nature we are not able to pick this up at the time and they may get upset with what we have told them, often a day or so after the interview (one reason we give a 3 day cooling off period) and especially so if we recommend they join another agency instead of ours.
We will always give our time to a client in an attempt to help them, even if we know they are not suitable for our agency. We treat you as though you were our brother/sister we will not flatter you and tell that life is all magic, we tell the truth, the way it is.
If you feel uncomfortable at any stage of the interview, please discuss it with us. In the interests of our members we will not offer membership to anyone that remains closed and secretive. If you are one of the 1in 50 clients this pertains too, we apologise for not being able to sense it, and please
feel free to terminate the interview and leave at any stage. To read the comments of clients after attending the interviews read www.letsmeet.me.uk
SARAH INITIAL COMMENTS WHEN SENT A COPY OF THE COMPLAINT
With regards to the complaint, these are my thoughts.
- With regards to the content of the interview, you explained what the content of the interview would entail and why you asked those questions. Miss F didn't object to any of the questions at the time.
- There was no criticism of Miss F, life choices or that of her parents just questions regarding how she felt at that time those choices were made.
Miss F, was given some statistics but I wouldn't call it a sales pitch as you were already suggesting another agency may be more appropriate for her. She was just given honest information with a view to helping her.
-With regards to any terms used eg.pussy, again she didn't object to anything at the time.
-With regards to the kitchen, it wasn't filthy but a little untidy but she was more than happy to accept food prepared there.
- I don't think she was discussed in loud critical tones in the kitchen. The conversation that took place was me asking details of how the interview was progressing, I was there to learn the process.
Hope that helps.
31. WOULD I BENEFIT FROM A 5
You should normally opt for the 5 hour interview UNLESS NONE of the facts listed below apply to you. If any ONE of these situations apply to you AND IF TWO apply, you definitely NEED and will benefit from the 5 hour interview - that is why we subsidise it, ( it normally costs over three hundred pounds for a 5 hour interview). Many clients have found it life changing. A 2.5 hr interview enables us to screen out who we would like to offer membership to, but you will not have gained much of our knowledge about what your ideal partner is looking for and making really good relationships happen 95% of all ladies aged over 32 would benefit and should ALWAYS opt for the 5 hour interview.
If two or more facts stated below apply to you, and you only book a 2.5 hour interview we are unlikely to offer you membership as we will not take on clients we do not believe our service will work for.
Someone wiser than us once said "if you do not change something about today, the future will be repeat of the past" that usually means continuing to date losers. You have to make some changes about yourself. A 5hr interview will give you the knowledge gained over 29 years to do just that. In 29 years not one client has ever said the 5 hour interview was too long, but it was really informative.
MEN & WOMEN
You did not start dating until 20+? Attended a single sex school? Shy or a private person? Single argumentative or emotionally cold parent/s or home life, bullied/oppressed at home or school, appear cold, old for your age or too serious? Not comfortable or do not trust / understand the opposite sex, lack focus, direction or self-esteem, do not think you will want children. Moved schools or homes often. Not held onto a decent relationship for 2+ years Predominately a one sex family - mainly women or mainly men Strong mother weaker father Lack of warm memories prior to age under 5 and most importantly - you would NOT aspire to settle for a relationship of a similar quality to your parents when you were aged 12 to 15.
In addition to the above. Were your early dates with guys 20% older than you or married. Did you date losers - weak, mummies boys, cold selfish, mean, uncaring, married or deceitful men. Do you seek other peoples approval, is it important what people think about you. Do you give too much - are you taken advantage of and let down. Do you attract and date younger men? Do you attract men who are possessive, jealous, controlling and drag down your self esteem, do your friends tell you that you are too independent, scary to men, think like a man, not girly enough etc., Father often away from home, very busy, strict or grumpy. You kept one boyfriend through most of your time at university, or lived at home.
Was your mother NOT at home under the age of 7. Was your mother unhappy, or undemonstrative, have you ever been told you are cold, insensitive or "too nice or a sweet man"
All of the above have a considerable effect of frightening off a true soulmate - (and who the hell wants an average marriage that most people settle for?) and will attract the wrong sort of people to you. We would strongly recommend you take the 5 hour interview. If you would "die for a relationship as good as your parents had when you were a aged 10 to 15 and attended a mixed sex school and have several warm memories aged 3 or 4 years of age" the chances are 2.5 hour interview is all you need, otherwise the 5 hour interview is the key to understanding what you must do to break the pattern.
IF YOU THINK 5HRS OF YOUR TIME IS TOO MUCH TO INVEST IN FINDING A LIFE PARTNER, PLEASE DO NOT CALL US – try internet dating or an ordinary dating agency.
The costs of these 5 hour “in depth” interviews are heavily subsidised and shown in Para 6 above.
4th June 2014